Some of you might know that I've recently graduated with my BS degree. I think way since the beginning of March (before my graduation), I had already been looking for a full time job. Just wanted you all to know that I've found one, have been working for a few weeks now. Currently, I'm living on my own and my new-found freedom is really amazing.
A while back, I bitched in this post because I was at a low point in life. I'm really sorry for my attitude and to anyone that I may have discouraged. I want to give a huge thanks to everyone who wrote heart-felt comments on the post to support me, because they really REALLY cheered me up.
Apology with thanks... and need of advice...Hello everyone!
This entry is gonna be a little personal and corny and lame... and long, so please bear with me
I want to apologize to everyone for not being very active in the last few years. Right now I am feeling very hopeless: stuck between a rock and a hard place, I guess...?
DeviantART was my life all throughout my middle and high school days. I would my post artwork and journal entries all the time back then. I still remember when I first hit the 100 pageview mark, and how excited and happy I was when it happened, though I think they were mostly my own hits.. huhu.
This place, YOU GUYS, have helped me grow so much as an artist, and I would never have gotten to where I am now without you. Before I joined this community, I didn't have any confidence in my skills... not even my friends or PARENTS knew that I draw. I was scared of the criticism that they may have given me...
As the years passed, I slowly began opening up. After reading all of your comments and receiving you
After graduation I sat around on my computer each day, and that was extremely toxic. The longer this continued, the worse I felt about myself. The idleness led me to over-think my life situation... and that was really BAD. Questions came up like, What am I gonna do with my life? Where am I gonna go from here? Am I just that useless, I can't find a job?
I think the situation is different for everyone though. My parents were never that supportive of me in anything. If I messed up on some activity, I automatically sucked to them... this is another reason why living on my own is good for me.
Anyway. Once I got to this stage, my attitude about life only worsened. I tried to hide from my unemployment (and other problems) by playing video-games and rotting away on the internet. I kept complaining to myself about how I hated my degree, how I sucked at everything, and how my parents didn't support my choices. This shit dragged on for months! But someone finally spoke out and told me to "stop feeling sorry for myself".
I kicked myself at the amount of TIME it took me to fucking realize this... but sometimes you can't see things. You just need that one person to help pull you out of hell.
Finally, I started getting shit done again.
Now, even though I'm working 40 hours a week, it's nice. It really feels great to know that I am doing stuff with my time and not blindly throwing it away into nothingness. During my free time, I'm still working hard on writing my manga, which has been my dream for as long as I can remember. Sure, my shit may not be that great and my stories may be boring as dry paint... but I feel happy about myself.
My life before has been a giant pile of shit filled with hatred and misery... so much that all my stories have been based on loneliness and revenge. Example, [Sweet Revenge] www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofi… . But through my several months of Hiatus, I realized that the best way to avenge myself from ex-friends, family, enemies, OR ANYTHING, is to just be HAPPY.
Sounds corny as shit. I know.
I truly TRULY believe that everything works out in the end, even though it may not be what you expected or what you particularly wanted. It may happen a bit later than you would like ... but it will happen. Then again what do I know? I'm only 22. OTL;;
This entry will be a load of crap for some of you. Even so, I feel like it's a very common situation and a lot of people may be going through this ... or will go through this at some point. I just wanted to address this issue in hopes that it may help at least one of you guys. If ONE person finds this helpful, then I will have done my job >.<;
Finally, thanks for all the support you've given me up until now. I really don't know where I'd be without it.
TL;DR: Honestly, I don't even know what the fuck I wrote. Brain barf. Be happy.
Shameless manga plug: www.inkblazers.com/read-manga/…